My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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