if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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