I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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