If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
