I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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