Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
