Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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