I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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