Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
