I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
