so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
