fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
