Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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