I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
