So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
