I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
