is your mom at the bar?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My life is pants optional.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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