Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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