there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
