she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
