thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
