Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need to calm my uterus...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
