can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
