New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
