How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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