North Korea, Best Korea!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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