Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize