We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
