My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i came on her dog
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
