Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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