We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
where are my eyebrows?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
