how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
