how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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