He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
