You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
