so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
