I want to have your abortion
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
