there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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