At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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