i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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