Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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