those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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