just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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