I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
