He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
