So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
