i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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