ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
