My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
