when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
