im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Randomize
