chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
