Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
