I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
someone owes me an orgasm
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
