I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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