Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
