you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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