a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
