i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
