Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
