I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hippo gnu deer
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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