Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
