And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
