I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
