awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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