you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
