Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
third nipple confirmed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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