i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
