I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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