so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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