I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just high enough for therapy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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