Soap is not a condiment
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
