I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
