a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
