If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
