the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
