Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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