If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
