Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
