ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
