I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
