My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
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