i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
