I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
