I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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