My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
