why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
