my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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