I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
