I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
