Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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